My World

Have you seen the musical Rent? I have, and it fucking rocks my world.. I’ve seen it three times, twice in London (where it rocked) and once in Vancouver, where a travelling production of the show didn’t quite live up to expectations..

I just saw an advert on TV for the film version that’s released in a few weeks (see www.sony.com/rent for details). It seriously gives me goosebumps, I don’t know why..

The current question is whether I want to go see it at the movies or not, being the fan I am of the musical. And if I do go, will it get me all teary eyed like the musical version does? (Yeah, I tear up - I’m a modern man, deal with it!)

Josh phoned around lunchtime to say he was going out with his parents to look at some TVs, grab a bite to eat, then was headed downtown if I wanted to do something. He could go skating at 3 or at 7 so he figured he’d go at 7 and we’d hang out in the afternoon.. I’m fine with that..

Then he changes he mind and goes skating at 3, says he’ll phone when he’s done, which he does, and says he’s on his way downtown.. He gets here then says change of plans, Mason’s in town, he’s going out with him + company to eat and did I want to come..

Now I kind of didn’t, because it was at some thai bistro place in Yaletown, and I don’t really know anyone else that’s going, and blah blah yadda etc.. but hold up, rewind, wait just a cotton picking minute there boy.. weren’t you just moaning about being restless and kind of wanting to be sociable etc?

BZZZZZT! *slaps self around* CLEARLY I should have made the effort, gone out, had a few drinks, chatted, blah blah etc.. yet I was just as happy to stay home, have Josh go off with the option of maybe returning later to hang out with me and Brian once Brian got off work.. (tangent: I know “Brian and I” is grammatically correct and “me and Brian” sucks, but I just don’t care, mmkay?). Why am I happy to stay home and do my own thing rather than follow through with the social opportunity on offer? *shrugs* I dunno.. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve forgotten how to socialise, or if I have some kind of confidence/anxiety issue thing going on.. Hmm..

I feel kind of restless today and I’m not sure why.. It’s great having a day off work, chilling, vegging, catching up on stuff online, reading the newspapers etc.. and I’m fine with that.. yet at the same time I half wouldn’t mind being vaguely sociable.. but that said, I want something easy going and laid back rather than anything that requires too much effort.. picky? you betcha! :-p

I half wonder if I haven’t forgotten how to socialise and/or “act normal”.. I’m very happy staying in, watching TV, going out for food, booze, a movie, whatever.. yet at the same time, I find that when I go out, I don’t have that much to say - I’m happy to just watch, observe, let events wash over me.. which doesn’t mean I’m not having a great time.. I just don’t feel all full on chatty cathy and exciteable is all.. which is slightly odd.. because generally I quite like a good conversation, a drunken debate, whatever..

So.. what’s my point? *shrugs* fuck knows.. I want a better social life, but I can’t be arsed making the effort, so I’ve got to make the effort before anything changes? Yeah, maybe.. that could be right? The question then becomes “How do you make more effort and how do you meet more people?”.

Work could be good for that.. but the funny thing with my new (old) job is that it’s very insular.. like.. a lot of the time people there kind of keep to themselves, do their job, and don’t talk to many people outside of their immediate team. I kinda break the mold there though - when I was there previously I had a lot of connections with people outside of my immediate team.. maybe it’s just a case of growing that network again.. hmm.. I dunno..

OddMoodPaul(tm) a bit today.. In the mean time, check out www.urbantribes.net - it’s a pretty cool book.

Going back to a job you left about 2.5 years ago is kind of surreal.. this week has been “interesting”.. and for the most part, pretty fun too..

Day 1: Hi, hello, yes, I’m back, ha ha ha etc etc.. little chat with the new boss, who tells me that from what he’s heard, my biggest challenge is probably not letting people I don’t respect know that I don’t respect them.. or something.. those weren’t his exact words but it was something along those lines.. a bit of a blur because so much has happened since Monday.. and apparently the comment came from someone who I didn’t have a problem with, it was something like “He was never like that with me, so he must think I’m alright, but I’ve seen the way he’s been with a couple of other people”.. hmm.. food for thought I guess.. I was slightly stunned but not totally - I know I don’t suffer fools gladly and can be a bit abrasive at times..

Oh yeah, and I got busted by one of the IT guys for using SSH to login to my box at home from work.. they’re not a fan of you using SSH unless it’s been signed off by 17 managers and you’ve donated your left kidney. I wonder if I used a different port if it’d still set alarm bells ringing.. I’m loathe to find out right now.. but it’s all a bit silly really.. like the whole “don’t use hotmail etc at work cos it’s a virus risk”.. there’s a world of difference between the kids in the call centre and the software developers.. but meh, what am I moaning for - I knew this place had its quirks before I went back, right?

Day 2: Reading through the spec for the feature I’m going to work on, I think something minor could do with tweaking, with a view to making the “user experience” better and less frustrating.. I have a chat with co-workers who refer me to the BA.. the same BA that I haven’t always seen eye to eye with in the past.. can you see where this one’s going?

It’s funny.. cos I have nothing against the guy personally.. for me it’s all about doing it right, doing it once, and providing a better customer experience.. I’m not sure that’s how he sees it, or if that needs to be stated, but meh, whatever.. He’s hesitant to make changes.. I discuss it with the boss, we discuss it with the product manager, it’s all agreed that what I’m suggesting makes sense, so let’s do it.. yay - score one for the new guy? BZZZZT no.. because the next day it comes back to bite me on the ass..

Day 3: The aforementioned BA expresses his concerns to the product manager who passes the buck back to my boss advising him to “close the loop” or something.. now at this point, I’m fine with it all.. I raised a concern, my concern was heard, but the decision was made to stick with how things have been spec’d so far.. fine, ok, it’s your decision, you made it, I’ll go write code merrily.. colleagues are less than impressed though, ditto the boss.. I’m probably a bit more laid back with it than they’d like right now, but it is only my first week right? I’m not quite ready to rock the boat in a big way just yet..

Day 4: My coding continues.. co workers discover a number of other issues relating to the piece I’m working on that affect other areas of the software as well as other departments. These are raised with the product manager and BA.. so maybe there’ll be a meeting or something next week so we can go through it all..

It’s a short week because today is Remembrance Day (which looks odd to me - should it be “Rememberance day” because we’re “remember”-ing?). So looking back, was it a good week? Yeah, I reckon it was.. getting up early to be in the office by 9 was ok, cos I’d been doing it for the previous couple of weeks with Antoine working full time at the Voxilla office. By the end of the week I had my PC set up with all the essentials and was back reading and writing code.. talk about duck to water and hitting the ground running? Yeah.. it’s all good! so far… ;-)