I should have given a heads up that there wasn’t going to be a podcast yesterday - It was a long weekend in Canada (for Labour Day) and I took today off too, giving me a LONG long weekend and making next week a 3 day work week - SWEET!
Link: podcast52.mp3 (38:35, 17.7Mb)
I can’t be arsed bullet pointing the contents of this week show. I spent a fair whack talking about my extended weekend, with a hefty chunk of that talking about me, Brian, and how I can’t carry on doing what we’re doing. I talk about a movie I saw, some socialising I did, some birthday shout outs, a couple of things I saw in the newspaper, and that’s pretty much that. Hmm, perhaps that wouldn’t have been too hard to bullet point afterall. Meh, whatever!
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Me! As in.. I’m a slack arsed blog updater.. Even though this is meant to be all about me, for me, so I can remember at the end of the year what I’ve done in the previous 12 months, it’s fair to say that I have been pretty slack with updates for the last little while.. and it’s half cos nothing’s really going on, I’m kinda coasting, a bit.. and it’s half cos I’m just not in the mood to be all gushy and “today I had a bagel, it was very nice” fantastic etc.
So what’s new? Not much. Went to see Zero 7 in concert last night and loved it. Sia sang. She’s great. And she’s got nice tits too. And when she dances like Ally McBeal, I love it.
Not much? Yeah right - who am I kidding? I just had a conversation with Brian about how I can’t do “this” any more. I can’t play the part of the surrogate boyfriend, the guy he spends a lot of time with, the guy he bitches about the real boyfriend to, the guy who wonders about getting back together and the whole headfuck involved with that situation. It’s not fair on me, fuck knows how Wil’s cool with him hanging out with me all the time - I deffo wouldn’t be cool with that, hanging out with the ex weeks after breaking up from a 2 year gig? Yeah, not cool. And of course, Brian knows it’s not cool either.. having his cake and eating it.. we’ve discussed it lots, we both pretty much know where we stand, which makes it all the much harder.
And the funny thing is.. the totally funny yet really-so-fucking-not thing is.. I stick my iPod on as I’m walking back from waiting at the bus stop with him, and there’s some “relevant” song playing.. can’t remember what it was now but it was part of a Radio 1 mix.. then as I’m walking in my building, they’re playing Lola’s Theme by Shapeshifters.. “I’m a different person, turn my world around” - reminds me of when we were in Europe in 2004.. then of course, listening to Dance Anthems on Radio 1 once I’m actually home, every other song has relevant lyrics and/or title.. ARRGGHHH make it stop! :-s
*sigh* What can you do eh.. life goes on.. there are some things that need to be done, and this is one of them. There’s no hate, no malice, no resentment.. just the sadness of having to do something that’s not the greatest, that’s ultimately driven by love. It’s awkward, it hurts, it makes the future very uncertain (and that’s by far the biggest headfuck), and it definitely makes you feel a little bit out of control, but what can you do - life’s a rollercoaster right?
Maybe I’ll talk about it a bit in my podcast, we’ll see.. but for now, I’m going out.. I need to be out in the sunshine, absorbing some “people energy” and drinking pink drinks from Starbucks.
Deflatedly yours,
Paul.
